Thursday, July 23, 2009
in reading Captivating, i've been exploring my heart lately. trying to find the things that keep me from Jesus and the places where i can really see His glory. in all the exploring, i realized that i'm wounded. and while i thought these wounds were covered, i realized that i have never really let myself see the full damage they have done to my heart. instead, i have just put a bandage on top and hope that they will heal on their own. the messages these wounds carry have been a heavy burden on me and relationship with others. today, during a 4 hour plane ride full of tears and smiles, i let myself see the full effects my brokenness has had on my life. i have been living in this constant state of feeling like i'm never good enough, and no matter what i do, i never will be. that i am not worth fighting for and that no one would take the time to fight for me. in this, i felt alone. but today, Jesus told me something different. He called me His bride. His sweet crown of splendor He holds tenderly in His hands. His perfect one. Jesus reminded me that i hold all of His beauty and glory in my heart, and He wants to restore it to holy ground once again. He tells me that my wounds are not my fault, but the Dark Prince is jealously trying to destroy my heart. my Father takes up His sword against evil and FIGHTS FOR ME. He fights for my beauty? for my glory? am i really worth that? "yes. you are beloved daughter. you are worth fighting for." i praise Your name, Lord. let Your mercy rain down on me.
Monday, July 20, 2009
i sit and stare out at the ocean. i have never see a color blue like this before. the neon turquoise that is almost to beautiful to be real. the sand seeps through the spaces between my toes and the breeze gently touches my face. under the water is a whole new world of beautiful mysteries i have never seen before. the details of the coral and the perfect designs on the little fish are what have me amazed. You are so alive here and You created all this, for me? Jesus, there is so much about you that i don't know. that i don't understand. but i love the mystery of your sovereignty. i love that i will never fully know. my heart is peaceful today. still. today, you are so real. Lord, help me through the days when it is hard for me to see this beauty. because you are always this close, i just don't always allow myself to see it. let my heart be freed from the chains that hold it down. rid my life of all the keep me from seeing and feeling this kind of love. and when i am falling, Lord, save me. let me cling to you with all i have. Jesus, continue to fill me with joy like this. joy that comes from life with you. joy that pours out of your love for me. love that conquers all. you desire me, so you created this masterpiece of a world so that i might get a glimpse of your kingdom. God, i feel you as you engulf me in your creation. i pray i can continue to be amazed at the wonders you have made for me. thank you for loving me so much. thank you that i can't understand you. thank you for you beauty. and thank you for you mystery.