love.

"Owe nothing to anyone—except for your obligation to love one another. If you love your neighbor, you will fulfill the requirements of God’s law. For the commandments say, “You must not commit adultery. You must not murder. You must not steal. You must not covet.” These—and other such commandments—are summed up in this one commandment: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Love does no wrong to others, so love fulfills the requirements of God’s law." Romans 11:8-10

"Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them." Romans 12

"Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children. Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God." Ephesians 5:1-2

"I believe one day we're all going to find out that life was about loving and we spent too much time debating about what's right and wrong"- Liz Gilbert

I feel a little wrecked and a little uncomfortable, but a lot free.

For the past few weeks, okay months really, I have been battling with the large and crucial task of...wait for it...deciding my major. HA! When I say that now it seems so more unimportant than the Lord has already revealed to me it is. But its true. I have been putting my hope in the American Dream, in success and stuff and people and achievements in this life. I cringe as I say that because I know how fleeting and unsatisfying this life is. But the truth is that the future I have been trying to figure out how to achieve is so boring and empty and common and not really what I want at all. I want a life with Jesus. A life lived for His glory and doing His work. So then, being the controlling human that I am, I set out to "do" and to "achieve" for Christ, and realize that I have shifted from the American Dream into this sort of Christian Dream that is all about success and works and status. I found myself stuck and desperate. Desperate for the Lord to give me some sort of direction to go in, some push or nudge or anything!!! The Lord is a faithful teacher and rescuer and oh do I praise him for that. This battle of my mind and heart and a worries has consumed so much of me that I have been missing it...missing the point of this life.

I'm at the beach with 25 of my favorite people. The days so far have been full of sunshine and playing in the ocean. The nights have been full of good conversation and laughter. Overall, every moment of every hour has been full of the Lord's unfailing, never-ending, unconditional love. And in the midst of my problems that aren't really mine at all, He has spoken sweetly into my ears about what He really wants for my life in the future and for RIGHT NOW. He just wants me to LOVE. To love like he loved me. To spend all my time and my energy and my life loving. Loving HIM and loving OTHERS. He wants me to die to myself; to die to my American dream and Christian dream because both, really, are self-glorifying. And instead to love my neighbor as myself. To REALLY, REAL-LY love them. I am a selfish, selfish woman and there is an ugly sinful part of me that shies away from loving others because its hard and because I don't want to and because I would rather choose myself. And if I'm honest, a lot of times I do choose myself. But praise the Risen Lord that He died for that part of me. And praise him that he chose ME over HIMSELF every.single.day. He chose the cross instead of himself, and my prayer in this lenten season is that I would learn to do the same.

my valentine.

I'm really starting to see that its all about you, Jesus.

Today, the desires of my heart are strong and deep and so apparent.

But something else that is so real to me today is how much I am loved ALREADY.

All my desires, all my wants and needs and longings, are met by You.

Jesus, thank you for connecting the dots today.

I watched friends be pursued with flowers and candy and gifts and dates to fancy places, but I got SOOOO much more.

Today you gave me sweet time with a friend that knows me encourages me fiercely. You gave me peace as I prayed about the worries of my heart. You gave me coffee and chocolate covered strawberries. You gave me roomates that serve me selflessly. You gave me high school friends at Central to live life with. You took the baggage off my shoulders and gave me rest.

You gave me YOU. You gave me your Son today. You gave him up on a cross. For me. For today. So that I might know you and know how much you love me. So that you could spend time with me and call me your bride. You gave me the sunrise today. And you gave me love that I will never understand.

I praise you Jesus, my beloved, because I am YOUR beloved.

TOMORROW!

"He laughed"

I keep trying to take it all into my hands. In my impatience, in my fear, in my untrust, I laugh at the Lord like Abraham did. As the Lord, creator of all the earth, once again tells Abraham of the plans He has for him and his wife, Abraham forgets who God is, as I so often do. I laugh in the face of my King, of my Father, of the one who has already proven to be so faithful and so good. I suggest new ideas. I ask Him to bless my efforts as I try and fulfill His plans on my own. But, oh He knows my doubting. He hears me laugh just as heard Sarah laugh, and He doesn't stop loving me. He doesn't take back His promises just because I don't believe they are true. He is faithful, even when I am faithless.

wow.

The sun sets, and I take a deep breathe knowing that the bright pinks of the clouds and the suddle blues of the mountains are a painting for the delight of my eyes and heart by my Makers hands. The Lord has been persuing my heart faithful and constantly, all because He wants me close to Him. What a sweet thing it has been for me to learn that the Lord doesn't need me, but wants me so much, and to actually believe it! He wants me enough to breathe into creation the magnificent planets and the stars and the very cells in my body with such detail all because it he is demonstrating himself to me. And it was effortless to create such great things; things that seem like they are so much more beautiful and incredible than me. But the Lord chose me, chose US. When it came to me, to you, he paid and immerabule cost so that we might be in a relationship with him. Out of all the wonders of the earth, He chose me to wash over with his son's holy blood so that I might be able to understand His love for me. What a sweet, sovereign Lord we have. I am overwhelmed by thanksgiving.

titus 3:3-7

"At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life."

I am prideful and greedy. My human heart longs for praises of myself; to be liked, loved, and beautiful. My selfish desires often consume me without me even noticing it. I have been foolish, disobedient, deceived, and enslaved by so many things of this world that pull me away from the Cross. Things that make my soul settle for just walking slowly to Jesus instead of running as fast as I can to His feet. I have lived in envy and hated my brothers and sisters. I haven't loved people well, and haven't loved some people at all.

But then, something happened. Kindness and love appeared. I learned what it means to be fully known and fully loved. To be enough. God saved me from the world, from the sinful desires of my heart. He saved me from myself. Nothing that I did, nothing that I can do, therefore nothing I can boast in or be proud of. He washed me and renewed me and made me whole and clean and pure. He, so generously, gave me the Holy Spirit so that I may be with Him always. I have been justified only through his grace that I have no choice but to let wash over me daily or I would be overwhelmed with shame. I am a princess to my Father, and heir to the holiness of His Kingdom. I pray that the riches of his love are enough for me on earth. That his grace and mercy and glory would be the only thing I am proud of.

freedom from shame.

“Your love delights me, my treasure, my bride. I would still choose my dove, my perfect one- the favorite of her mother, dearly loved by the one who bore her.” Song of Solomon 4:10; 6:9

My soul is heavy. Today, my sin and my idols became so real and apparent. And after seeing them, I sat in disgust at a heart that has put so many things before Jesus. My shame so often gets ahold of me. I hide behind my appearance because if it seems like I have it all together, maybe people won't ask questions. I let my past brokenness creep up on my heals and start to overtake my light. But I'm laying it down tonight and accepting grace and mercy with grateful, loving heart because God chooses me. The King of all kings calls me his beloved. His perfect one. His TREASURE. I have been washed clean in the eyes of the only One whose opinion I need to worry about. I have been set free from my shame. From my burden. And have been delighted in and loved. I am choosing the truth tonight. Choosing to believe that my story and my past has been a story of redemption and rescue. I am loved through it all. Through the darkest of the dark and the deepest of the deep. You know my junk, but I am YOURS.