i have this burning desire in my heart to be desired, persued, wanted. to feel as if someoneneeds me in their life. but i am continually disappointed in my search. at the same time i feel this desire, the Lord feels the same towards me. he desires my attention. desires my heart. desires a relationship with me? wow. he waits for me. ever so paitently he waits. even though i continue to disappoint him, he waits. he waits on me to talk to him. waits for me to open my heart. Father, thank you for desiring me even when i was looking for love in all the wrong places. thank you for the way you romance me. thank you that you want me so much, you bless me with the beauties of the earth to get my attention. i ask that you help me to desire YOU. to put you first. to understand my need for you love and your need for mine. "You will find me when you seek me with all your heart." (Jer. 29:13) Help me to seek you, and to find you. to desire you and to love you. to want you and trust you. Helo me to get lost in the romance of our relationship.
i can feel the walls going up again. as these emotions begin to twist and turn in my stomach, i push them further down. i push them deep, cover them, hide them, and smack a smile on top. each time i feel them bubbling up, i just keep stacking the bricks higher and higher. and i wait. wait for someone to break through. wait for someone to see the real me. the hurt. im stuck. but this is where the magic of it all comes in. father, you know me. you know the hairs on my head, my every though. you know my path and my decisions even before i do. i don't have to wait. ive never had to wait. you are there, by my side, in my heart. sweet Jesus, you break through. you tear down the walls. you listen and you continually call me your beloved. what a breath of fresh air you are when i am suffocating. the love you have for me, wow. even as i try to build walls, Lord, you fight to break them down. Father, help me to trust in you even as i feel this burden. help me to run to the feet of the cross instead of stacking bricks.