Monday, May 18, 2009


my best friends are graduating this week. im not. thats scary, but SO EXISTING FOR THEM!

hehe. we are dorks, i know.

lost in romace.

i have this burning desire in my heart to be desired, persued, wanted. to feel as if someone needs me in their life. but i am continually disappointed in my search. at the same time i feel this desire, the Lord feels the same towards me. he desires my attention. desires my heart. desires a relationship with me? wow. he waits for me. ever so paitently he waits. even though i continue to disappoint him, he waits. he waits on me to talk to him. waits for me to open my heart. Father, thank you for desiring me even when i was looking for love in all the wrong places. thank you for the way you romance me. thank you that you want me so much, you bless me with the beauties of the earth to get my attention. i ask that you help me to desire YOU. to put you first. to understand my need for you love and your need for mine. "You will find me when you seek me with all your heart." (Jer. 29:13) Help me to seek you, and to find you. to desire you and to love you. to want you and trust you. Helo me to get lost in the romance of our relationship.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

stacking bricks.

i can feel the walls going up again. as these emotions begin to twist and turn in my stomach, i push them further down. i push them deep, cover them, hide them, and smack a smile on top. each time i feel them bubbling up, i just keep stacking the bricks higher and higher. and i wait. wait for someone to break through. wait for someone to see the real me. the hurt. im stuck. but this is where the magic of it all comes in. father, you know me. you know the hairs on my head, my every though. you know my path and my decisions even before i do. i don't have to wait. ive never had to wait. you are there, by my side, in my heart. sweet Jesus, you break through. you tear down the walls. you listen and you continually call me your beloved. what a breath of fresh air you are when i am suffocating. the love you have for me, wow. even as i try to build walls, Lord, you fight to break them down. Father, help me to trust in you even as i feel this burden. help me to run to the feet of the cross instead of stacking bricks. 

"how long oh Lord will You forget me
how long oh Lord will You hide
hide Your face from me
how long must i wrestle with me
and everyday have sorrow in my heart
sorrow in my heart

i will wait on You
i will wait on You
i will wait on You

look on me Lord and answer me
give my eyes light or i will sleep in death
i will sleep in death
my enemies say "i will overcome him"
and my foes rejoice even when i fall
i dont want to fall

for i will trust in Your unfailing love
my heart rejoices in Your salvation
i will sing to the Lord"
-"Psalm 13" shane&shane-
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