Sunday, December 28, 2008

days like this.

"at the cross You beckon me.
You draw me gently to my knees, and I am
lost for words, so lost in love,
I'm sweetly broken, wholly surrendered."

its days like this when i am so lost in your love. days when i am so at peace with myself. so grateful for this life and the blessings you have given me. days like these when i can see every beautiful flaw in and out of me, but appreciate them for what they are and why they are. the gentle breeze of wind across my face feels like your tender touch. my heart feels so alive. so warm. i see you everywhere. you are in the laughter of my friends. the smile of my mom. i can see you unfolding your magical plans all around me. you beauty is overwhelming. and powerful. this is joy. you are joy. thank you for days like these. thank you for making the mess worth it, just to have days like this. i pray that you help me to let myself feel the butterflies more often. this quickened heartbeat. its for you. its for true love. that only my creator makes me feel.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

desires of the heart.

what made the shepherds follow the star to Bethlehem? if i had to guess, i would say that they followed the desires of their hearts. they saw the star, and they saw hope, and life, and a new beginning. they travelled a far distance and never once questioned the sparkling fire in the sky. the star led them to truth. to salvation. to hope. to love. and to the only real way of life. 
i pray that this Christmas you help me come to know you in this way. Help me to see that all the desires of my heart can be met by you, & only you. I ask you stand with me and cradle me in your arms as i search for my peace from this mess.
"I am the light of the world, whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."
John 8:12

Wednesday, December 17, 2008


"He wanted us to enter into celebration of his lavish gift-giving by the hand of his beloved son."
Ephesians 1:3-6

A celebration. Its so hard to picture life as this sometimes. Full of gifts. Full of hope and love and beauty. The mess of family, and disappointments with friends, and the feeling of not being good enough often overshadow the party. I long to be able to see life as a celebration. To see the beauty you have surrounded me with. To feel the power of the gift of love and relationship. These are real gifts. The gifts that count. The only presents that will ever really matter. I ask that you help me remember this. Help me live in the moment free of agenda. Help me to serve you without a plan. Remind me of this gift of life, and all the hidden surprises inside it.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

new number, new girl.

of course i don't feel different. so i may have to change the 6 to a 7, big deal. today is just any other day except for the fact that people give me presents and sing a lot, not to mention that my self-esteem is in a superior state with all the lovin i'm getting. but the thing i love about today is looking back over the past year and seeing all the changes You have made in my life. i'm so grateful for the people i shared this year with. so grateful for the lessons i have learned & are still learning. i thank you for your patience with me as i deny you over and over, and you still wait for me with open arms. although im keeping my wish a secret, it was about You. i am hopeful that this year will bring a whole new kind of challenges for me to overcome with You. new pains, new joy, new friends. let me sparkle in your glory as i continue to explore Your world and overcome this fear i have of letting go of muck. i pray that You can teach me to drop my worries at Your feet and see the world through the world through Your eyes. i am Yours for the rest of eternity. continue to teach me.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

finding hope.

"The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song." Psalm 28:7

this is my joy. this is what makes me smile. the beauty of the unbreakable love You have for me & the way that you fit the pieces of the puzzle together no matter how messed up it is. my hope is found in you, and in you only. i pray that you help her seek this. let her come to know this. but also guide me as i make sacrifices to show her the only way to true happiness. guide me as i try to shine light upon her of the only real kind of love there is. hold my hand as i try to be your servant, because honestly, i don't know what to do, but i trust that you will show me.

oh, and thank you for her heart and her strength. thanks for making her my friend.

Monday, December 8, 2008

falling into Your arms.

Lamentations 3:22-26 (The Message)
"God's loyal love couldn't have run out,
his merciful love couldn't have dried up.
They're created new every morning.
How great your faithfulness!
I'm sticking with God (I say it over and over).
He's all I've got left.

God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits,
to the woman who diligently seeks.
It's a good thing to quietly hope,
quietly hope for help from God.
It's a good thing when you're young
to stick it out through the hard times."

You are all i have and You are more than enough. i keep trying to run into the arms of others, but only You have the power to heal my wounded soul. i find myself struggling to hold on to the edge and screaming for help from anyone instead of trusting that you will catch me. teach me to be hopeful and trusting in You. help me seek you and stand strong in Your armor. let me show others Your glory.
p.s.-thanks for the inspiration emma! :D

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

trusting you.

its in your hands.
all of it.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

what a weekend .

i love the hearts of these people. i am so grateful for a weekend full of fun. so grateful for a cabin that was not afraid to feel vulnerable and pour their hearts out to each other. i loved getting to know those girls. hold them close. thanks for the most amazing leaders. words cannot describe the way they love us, or how thankful i am that they do love us. thank you for the escape of the colorful mountains. thanks for showing me that i am significant and i do have a purpose. thank you for sending your son to willingly die so that i may live. thank you for your amazing grace and your never ending love.

Friday, November 14, 2008

rhythm of your glory.

i feel like im waiting in line outside of a concert hall. i can hear the music faintly inside, but longing to hear the beat in full blast. i can hear you faintly. i can hear you calling my name. help me to hear you louder than ever. push me through the door and let me expirence the truth and power that lies behind the rhythm of your love. i want to be bold. i want to be fearless in the name of your unconditional love. help me open my heart to help show the world your truth. help me love on my friends as i spend a weekend with them in the mountains surrounded by your glory. i ask that you warm their hearts to you, as well as mine.

Monday, November 3, 2008

candle to my darkness.

.The sun leaves a lingering feeling of summer on my skin. The memory of the mountains and a indescribable love flashes in my mind. I can't help but miss the thin air of Buena Vista. The air that filled my lungs as I yawned from exhaustion from long days of cleaning. The air that was full of hope and joy. Oh, how I miss seeing Your face in the mountains. Seeing your plans untangle in the campers hearts. Feeling your strength as it lifted my new family and I up to serve you. Then a cold wind comes and tickles me on the back of my neck, bringing me back to reality. My mind shifts from the memory of a summer filled with joy, to a winter filled with worry. Remind me of your strength. Help me to find the hope and joy I once found so easy to have in you. I ask that you take my stress and aches of pain in my heart and keep them. Let me hear your whisper. Help me to recognize your unconditional and unmatchable love. You are the candle to my darkness.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

lost on the back of my hand.

it is seems like I'm in a constant race. not with a person, but with my own life. lately, my life has been winning by a long shot. i can't seem to keep up with how fast my world is changing or how different things that used to be so familiar are now. its like everything i used to know like the back of my hand has been flipped upside down. but maybe is hasn't. maybe it's me thats been flipped up side down. help me not to feel lost in the mess. i'm trying, but i can't do this alone, and thats all i feel right now. alone. help my heart to stay warm as the winter brings its cold. help me to feel the power of your love and the hope found in your glory.
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