Wednesday, March 30, 2011


1,500ish people.
Red. Black. White.
16 team members.
and lots of lost high school kids.

Thank you, Lord. Thank you, thank you, thank you! My heart is so full right now. Full of hope and joy and love and peace and trust. This night was exceeded my expectations by FAR. I can't explain my joy right now, but united pursuit band does a GREAT job of it!

Come away with me, come away.
It's never too late, it's never too late,
it's not too late for you.
I have a plan for you, I have a plan.
It's going to be wild,
it's going to be great,
it's going to be full of me

You have a plan, and You have had one all along. A plan for my school. A plan for my team. A plan for my ministry. And it will only get wilder and greater and fuller than it is now. My prayer is that I stay close. That I never let myself be bigger than the cross, and that when I do, You bring me community that kicks my butt and reminds me that its not about me. I pray for humility and stillness. For a heart that trust and a faith that risks. I pray for attentiveness and receptiveness. I pray that my heart is confident because I have Jesus, the only thing I should ever be confident it. Lord, you are it. You are all. I can't wait to start this new journey and to see where You take me. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU again!

risk & faith.

My heart is impatient today as I anxiously wait for the hours to pass down until I find out what school I will be spending the next few years investing in as a Younglife leader. I am excited beyond belief and ohhhh so nervous at the same time. But in the midst of the craziness, the Lord is calling me to be still and sit with Him, and here is what I got.

I spent the morning reading in Mark 5 about Jarius and the bleeding woman. Jarius was a synagogue ruler and believed in the law at his core. But it was in his weakest hour that Jarius knew the law would do nothing for him. The law could not save his beloved daughter. He is desperate. I think about how Jarius felt in the moment he saw Jesus, I am betting it was the same way that I felt when I saw him for the first time; hopeful. Although the it may only be a speck, Jarius felt hope so he throws out his pride and falls at the feet of feet of Jesus knowing that it is all he has left to do. Jarius' request is a simple one. "Put your hands on her." I miss this a lot. The fact that this is all it take to heal, the simple hands of Jesus on my heart. No medicine, no holy ritual, no laws- just hands. I love that Jesus goes with Jarius. The he follows him into his darkest place and brings light there.
As they walk together in a crowd, there is a woman that is suffering from internal bleeding. Her story is one of my favorites. Her pain isn't seen on the outside, but she feels the burden. She is unclean and can't be around people. She can't be hugged or loved or kissed. She is lonely and lost. She put her hope in doctors, but she only grew worse. We are twins. My hope is so often in other things than Jesus. I search for healing and wholeness in being beautiful, or being popular, or being successful. The only things I find from the search is that these "doctors" only make me worse. They pull me away from the only One I know to be a true healer.
More than anything, I love the risk this woman takes. That even though she shouldn't be around people, she pushes through the crowd and takes a risk in touching Jesus' cloak. I pray for a faith that is this big. A faith that risks it all on Jesus, because in my heart I know and trust that he will heal and restore and being me life. And heal he did. The woman immediately felt the bleeding stop. And though he already knows the answer, Jesus asks, "who touched me?" I love this. I love that Jesus asks because he is a relational God. That he wants the woman to open her heart to Him and pour out her soul. She trembles with fear because she knows his power and His greatness, but God is not a punisher, but a rewarder for faith like hers.
"DAUGHTER, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering."
No more bleeding. No more lonliness. No more being unloveable or not good enough. She was FREE from it ALL. What a sweet picture of freedom and the life found in the holiness of Christ.

But back to Jarius. I wonder how he felt during all this. I know how I would feel. Unloved, forgotten, impatient, unimportant, helpless, hopeless. As time ticks away he knows that his daughter is only growing worse. My selfish heart would be throwing a fit at Jesus as he sat down to talk with the woman about her story. When I see Jesus working quickly and largely in the lives of other, but my prayers are taking longer to be answered, I tend to feel alone and lost. Forgotten by the God who will never forget me. I am so wrong, and I know that, because even as Jesus heals the woman, he is working in the story of Jarius. I love the timing in the story of this story. That Jesus was waiting until his daughter was dead so that he could show the strength of his power.
"Little girl, I say to you, get up!"
And she does. Jesus conquers death. He makes a heart that stopped beating beat again. Jarius has his life back. Not because of anything he did. Not because of the law. Not because of his good deeds. But because he fell at the feet of the only one that could restore. I pray for this in my life. Pray that I fall at the feet of Jesus knowing and trusting that He is it. He is all.

I am thankful for where the Lord has me today. It has been a sweet morning full of hope and trust in where the Lord will put me. Trust that he will continue to restore and redeem. Where I am placed is completely out of my hands, I am finding humility and relief in laying down my burdens before the Lord and bowing at his feet knowing and trusting that He has a plan and His timing is perfect.

Saturday, March 26, 2011


I thought I knew friendship. I thought I knew what it meant to be in community and to be loyal and loved and honest. I thought I knew what it meant for people to care for me and to fight for my heart. Man, was I wrong.

These girls have changed me this year in BIG ways. We are all so different, SO SO different. From our styles to our personalities to our families to the boys we like. But man, do we love each other. These girls have captivated my heart. Here is a little bit about each one of them!

Hope: Hope is vans and skinny jeans and giggles. She is random adventures and sneaking into places. She is hilarious stories and her bangs pulled to the side. Hope is one of the most honest and truthful and real people I have ever known. She is independent and confident, even if she doesn't realize it. Hope is spontaneous at her core. She makes me want to live life bigger. Hope has a deep relationship with her Savior that radiates from her actions. Her smiles makes you feel at home. Hope is so trusting of the Lord's plans in her life. The way that she lives challenges me in my faith, and I am thankful for the way she pushes me to the heart of the Lord.

Anna: Anna is faithful and commited to the God that stole her heart. She is kind and loving and caring and has continually shown me how to live out of faith. Anna asks questions and seeks my heart and pursues me. She hugs me, and really hugs me. Like the kind of hug that just makes you feel like you are at home. Anna loves to laugh and loves to play. She loveeessss her sweet horsey and loves her family. Anna longs to learn more and go deeper into the Word. Her thrist for Christ is evident. She pour out her love over all of us so well and serves us so selflessly. She is gentle and soft and I love being in her presence because I know that I am loved.

Alice: Alice is adorrrrrable. She has little feet and little hands, but man her heart is huge. That girl is so in love with Jesus. Alice is compassionate and intentional. So so intentional. She is driven to action from a love that makes you want to be a part of it. Everything she does is an overflow of her relationship with Christ and I am so inspired by the way she lives. We have very different families, but I love the way she listens so tenderly to me pour out my heart. Alice is beautiful in the simplest form. She also has the coolest hair, ever. Seriously. It has been a blessing to get to know her. In my eyes she has gone from the shy, quiet girl to the HUH-LARIOUS little dancer that can make me laugh without even trying. She is alive in Christ and full in Christ and He flows out of every pore in her body.

Jessie: Jessie is SO fun. I get an ab workout every time I spend time with her from laughing so hard. She is sweet and truthful. She isn't afraid to be vulnerable. She is weird in the best form of the word. Jessie is wild and crazy in love with Jesus. She has a heart for people and a heart for high school girls. I can't wait to watch Christ pour out of her onto to lives of broken girls that are searching for life in all the wrong places. To be around Jessie is to experience the very dangerous wonder of Jesus. She loves without boundaries and worships with humility. I love her heart and her laugh and the fact that she is my friend.

Kylie: My sweet roommate. Kylie has loved me so well these past two semesters. She has prayed for me and loved on me. She has cooked for me and shopped with me. She pursues me and pushes me. Kylie has opened the doors of her home to me and opened the doors of her heart as well. She is going to be a great roommate for a lot of reason. A few of them being; she is honest, she is responsible, and she is prayerful. She tells me like it is and kicks my butt when I need it to be kicked. Kylie is absolutely beautiful, and I think she forgets that a lot. Kylie is a family girl and has taught me so much of what it means to be a daughter and a sister. She continues to teach me so much about what it looks like to live out the gospel and let it be your life. I can't wait to spend next year under the same roof of someone that is so consumed by the the Lord.

Kate: Kate is a fast friend. The first time I met her, we went eat together. She is a servant in the purest form. She lays down her life so constantly for me, and I am grateful for the example of Christ she is. Kate has been so trusting and encouraging. She listens well, even if I am rambling about nothing. She asks questions and peals away at the layers of my heart. Being in Kate's presence is being in the very presence of Jesus. She knows she is loved and knows she is saved. Kate will be the first to recognize her wrongs and fix them. She doesn't let her pride get in the way of saying she is sorry, something I am so guilty of. Kate runs to the arms of Christ with everything and watching her sprint towards him with abandon moves me.

Blair: Blair is the sweetest girl I know. She is beautiful, seriously, seriously beautiful. Like beach babe body with long gorgeous hair and eyes that sparkle. Her heart is just a beautiful as her exterior. She is oh so loving. Her smile is enough to make you want to dance. Blair is peaceful and calm. Her eyes are tender with compassion. Blair continually lets the Lord place her feet for her next step. She is trusting and wise. Being around Blair is being comfortable. She makes you feel known, even if you have never met. She is fun and her laugh is contagious. Blair is strong and hopeful and captivating.

Mady: Sweet Mady. Mady is so kind. She is devoted. Devoted to the Lord and devoted to her friends and family. She is on my side always and I love the light that shines through her. Mady has the most gorgeous smile and her eyes are are soft as the sky. Mady had great stories and an great wardrobe. She bakes YUMMY food and cares for people with depth. She is forgiving and respectful. She is a Tennessee girl and wears boots sometimes which I love. Mady is her own self, but she knows that she doesn't belong to herself. She is humble and in love with God. She is a giver. Mady has let the gospel change her and watching it change her has made it change me even more.

Gracie: Gracie is so so so gentle. She loves with velocity and truth. Jesus is her armor and she fights hard against evil, and I love that she doesn't just fight for herself. Gracie's heart is scattered all over the world. She is cultured and speaks like a million languages... okay maybe just like 3. Gracie loves to travel and take adventures and brings out the spontaneousness in me. She lives a childlike faith that is innocent and beautiful. Gracie dances with the Lord with freedom. She follows His steps with passion and perseverance . She is trusting of the next moves He will lead her to and let's Him lead her with such grace. She is hopeful and wise. Gracie is the very fragrance of Jesus.

The more I grow with these girls, the more I realize that they are so purposefully placed in my life. They are moving me and changing me and pushing me and challenging me and carrying me. Because of them, I am living bigger and fuller than before. Because of them, I know friendship. Because of them, I know what is is to be fully known and fully loved. They are the anchors that keep me from drifting away from our Father and the cross that saved my life.

Friday, March 25, 2011


"Make yourself at home in My love." -John 15:9

The Lord has been changing me deeply this Lent season. As I have waited for so long to have a home, to have a safe place, a place where I know I am loved and cherished and protected. I have found that in the heart of my savior. I can feel myself being drawn to the heart of the Lord. I have found my comfort in His love and protection. Jesus is teaching me to dance in an entirely new way. A dance of freedom and repentance and redemption. A dance where I do nothing but follow the wild but gentle steps of my God who took it all and declared it finished so that shame cannot enter the dance. I am slowly learning that this dance never stops. It is constant and consistent and the steps are never impossible. Jesus is leading and holding me, and I am finding my home in His arms.

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