titus 3:3-7

"At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life."

I am prideful and greedy. My human heart longs for praises of myself; to be liked, loved, and beautiful. My selfish desires often consume me without me even noticing it. I have been foolish, disobedient, deceived, and enslaved by so many things of this world that pull me away from the Cross. Things that make my soul settle for just walking slowly to Jesus instead of running as fast as I can to His feet. I have lived in envy and hated my brothers and sisters. I haven't loved people well, and haven't loved some people at all.

But then, something happened. Kindness and love appeared. I learned what it means to be fully known and fully loved. To be enough. God saved me from the world, from the sinful desires of my heart. He saved me from myself. Nothing that I did, nothing that I can do, therefore nothing I can boast in or be proud of. He washed me and renewed me and made me whole and clean and pure. He, so generously, gave me the Holy Spirit so that I may be with Him always. I have been justified only through his grace that I have no choice but to let wash over me daily or I would be overwhelmed with shame. I am a princess to my Father, and heir to the holiness of His Kingdom. I pray that the riches of his love are enough for me on earth. That his grace and mercy and glory would be the only thing I am proud of.

freedom from shame.

“Your love delights me, my treasure, my bride. I would still choose my dove, my perfect one- the favorite of her mother, dearly loved by the one who bore her.” Song of Solomon 4:10; 6:9

My soul is heavy. Today, my sin and my idols became so real and apparent. And after seeing them, I sat in disgust at a heart that has put so many things before Jesus. My shame so often gets ahold of me. I hide behind my appearance because if it seems like I have it all together, maybe people won't ask questions. I let my past brokenness creep up on my heals and start to overtake my light. But I'm laying it down tonight and accepting grace and mercy with grateful, loving heart because God chooses me. The King of all kings calls me his beloved. His perfect one. His TREASURE. I have been washed clean in the eyes of the only One whose opinion I need to worry about. I have been set free from my shame. From my burden. And have been delighted in and loved. I am choosing the truth tonight. Choosing to believe that my story and my past has been a story of redemption and rescue. I am loved through it all. Through the darkest of the dark and the deepest of the deep. You know my junk, but I am YOURS.

today.

I am exhausted. This past week has been so emotional and exciting and crazy. I have gained a lot of new friends, but lost a lot of sleep. I am sick, stuffy, and tired. On top of it all, there are papers, projects, and tests that need to get done and friendships that need nurturing. Also, my family is going through a lot and my heart is in a different city today. I feel like I am in neutral today, just drifting along from class to class. But in the midst, the Lord has found me.

Some people brought a man who could neither hear nor speak and asked Jesus to lay a healing hand on him. He took the man off by himself, put his fingers in the man's ears and some spit on the man's tongue. Then Jesus looked up in prayer, groaned mightily, and commanded, "Ephphatha!—Open up!" And it happened. The man's hearing was clear and his speech plain—just like that.

Mark 7:32-35

I love that the Jesus pulls us away from the crowd to be with Him in the midst of our inability to hear Him or speak to Him. That He touched the man because that is his only way for him to understand what is happening. I love that Jesus speaks to us in our language. That when my ears and mouth are shut to Him, that Christ finds another way to remind me of His love and grace. Today, the Lord has spoken to me in the sunshine. As my heart ached in hearing the brokenness going on with my family in Nashville and refused to hear the good in it or speak to the Lord about it, He reminded me of His love with His creation. The days have been cold and dreary here in Knoxville this past week, but my soul has found its own warmth in the excitement of events going on. Today, however, my soul is cold and lost in busyness and tiredness but the sun is shining and reminding me of the peace and light found in Christ. The Lord opened my ears and mouth by opening my eyes and speaking my language. He pulled me out of the crowdedness of my schedule and out of the worry and opened my hears to hear Him say, "I love you, Lindsey. Trust me with today. Know that I am with you. Do not worry, remember that everything is in My hands." And in hearing Him, my mouth was opened. I was reminded to let go of my burdens and pour out my heart. To give up my worries and let my day revolve around closeness and conversation with Him. The Lord's holiness has rescued me today from making it all about me. The Lord groans for my heart, eyes, ears, mouth, mind, and soul to be opened. To be healed and restored. He groans for a relationship with me.