"Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them." Romans 12
"Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children. Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God." Ephesians 5:1-2
"I believe one day we're all going to find out that life was about loving and we spent too much time debating about what's right and wrong"- Liz Gilbert
I feel a little wrecked and a little uncomfortable, but a lot free.
For the past few weeks, okay months really, I have been battling with the large and crucial task of...wait for it...deciding my major. HA! When I say that now it seems so more unimportant than the Lord has already revealed to me it is. But its true. I have been putting my hope in the American Dream, in success and stuff and people and achievements in this life. I cringe as I say that because I know how fleeting and unsatisfying this life is. But the truth is that the future I have been trying to figure out how to achieve is so boring and empty and common and not really what I want at all. I want a life with Jesus. A life lived for His glory and doing His work. So then, being the controlling human that I am, I set out to "do" and to "achieve" for Christ, and realize that I have shifted from the American Dream into this sort of Christian Dream that is all about success and works and status. I found myself stuck and desperate. Desperate for the Lord to give me some sort of direction to go in, some push or nudge or anything!!! The Lord is a faithful teacher and rescuer and oh do I praise him for that. This battle of my mind and heart and a worries has consumed so much of me that I have been missing it...missing the point of this life.
I'm at the beach with 25 of my favorite people. The days so far have been full of sunshine and playing in the ocean. The nights have been full of good conversation and laughter. Overall, every moment of every hour has been full of the Lord's unfailing, never-ending, unconditional love. And in the midst of my problems that aren't really mine at all, He has spoken sweetly into my ears about what He really wants for my life in the future and for RIGHT NOW. He just wants me to LOVE. To love like he loved me. To spend all my time and my energy and my life loving. Loving HIM and loving OTHERS. He wants me to die to myself; to die to my American dream and Christian dream because both, really, are self-glorifying. And instead to love my neighbor as myself. To REALLY, REAL-LY love them. I am a selfish, selfish woman and there is an ugly sinful part of me that shies away from loving others because its hard and because I don't want to and because I would rather choose myself. And if I'm honest, a lot of times I do choose myself. But praise the Risen Lord that He died for that part of me. And praise him that he chose ME over HIMSELF every.single.day. He chose the cross instead of himself, and my prayer in this lenten season is that I would learn to do the same.