Wednesday, March 30, 2011

risk & faith.

My heart is impatient today as I anxiously wait for the hours to pass down until I find out what school I will be spending the next few years investing in as a Younglife leader. I am excited beyond belief and ohhhh so nervous at the same time. But in the midst of the craziness, the Lord is calling me to be still and sit with Him, and here is what I got.

I spent the morning reading in Mark 5 about Jarius and the bleeding woman. Jarius was a synagogue ruler and believed in the law at his core. But it was in his weakest hour that Jarius knew the law would do nothing for him. The law could not save his beloved daughter. He is desperate. I think about how Jarius felt in the moment he saw Jesus, I am betting it was the same way that I felt when I saw him for the first time; hopeful. Although the it may only be a speck, Jarius felt hope so he throws out his pride and falls at the feet of feet of Jesus knowing that it is all he has left to do. Jarius' request is a simple one. "Put your hands on her." I miss this a lot. The fact that this is all it take to heal, the simple hands of Jesus on my heart. No medicine, no holy ritual, no laws- just hands. I love that Jesus goes with Jarius. The he follows him into his darkest place and brings light there.
As they walk together in a crowd, there is a woman that is suffering from internal bleeding. Her story is one of my favorites. Her pain isn't seen on the outside, but she feels the burden. She is unclean and can't be around people. She can't be hugged or loved or kissed. She is lonely and lost. She put her hope in doctors, but she only grew worse. We are twins. My hope is so often in other things than Jesus. I search for healing and wholeness in being beautiful, or being popular, or being successful. The only things I find from the search is that these "doctors" only make me worse. They pull me away from the only One I know to be a true healer.
More than anything, I love the risk this woman takes. That even though she shouldn't be around people, she pushes through the crowd and takes a risk in touching Jesus' cloak. I pray for a faith that is this big. A faith that risks it all on Jesus, because in my heart I know and trust that he will heal and restore and being me life. And heal he did. The woman immediately felt the bleeding stop. And though he already knows the answer, Jesus asks, "who touched me?" I love this. I love that Jesus asks because he is a relational God. That he wants the woman to open her heart to Him and pour out her soul. She trembles with fear because she knows his power and His greatness, but God is not a punisher, but a rewarder for faith like hers.
"DAUGHTER, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering."
No more bleeding. No more lonliness. No more being unloveable or not good enough. She was FREE from it ALL. What a sweet picture of freedom and the life found in the holiness of Christ.

But back to Jarius. I wonder how he felt during all this. I know how I would feel. Unloved, forgotten, impatient, unimportant, helpless, hopeless. As time ticks away he knows that his daughter is only growing worse. My selfish heart would be throwing a fit at Jesus as he sat down to talk with the woman about her story. When I see Jesus working quickly and largely in the lives of other, but my prayers are taking longer to be answered, I tend to feel alone and lost. Forgotten by the God who will never forget me. I am so wrong, and I know that, because even as Jesus heals the woman, he is working in the story of Jarius. I love the timing in the story of this story. That Jesus was waiting until his daughter was dead so that he could show the strength of his power.
"Little girl, I say to you, get up!"
And she does. Jesus conquers death. He makes a heart that stopped beating beat again. Jarius has his life back. Not because of anything he did. Not because of the law. Not because of his good deeds. But because he fell at the feet of the only one that could restore. I pray for this in my life. Pray that I fall at the feet of Jesus knowing and trusting that He is it. He is all.

I am thankful for where the Lord has me today. It has been a sweet morning full of hope and trust in where the Lord will put me. Trust that he will continue to restore and redeem. Where I am placed is completely out of my hands, I am finding humility and relief in laying down my burdens before the Lord and bowing at his feet knowing and trusting that He has a plan and His timing is perfect.


Morgan Paige said...

i love this story & i love that of all the people in the crowd, jesus responds to her.
so excited to see where the lord has both of us tonight!

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